Self-Worth VS Work-Worth

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE??

I have to say that I keep thinking that as I get older things will settle down . . . somehow I just keep getting new adventures and new points of view.

I've been having an issue of self-worth. What am I actually worth?

Well, let me clarify that I have that issue mainly with work. Thus the title, work worth. (yes, came to this conclusion without outside help) As a human being, I know that I have self worth because of my dear friends, family and those who truly love me who keep reminding me that I have much to offer. They pick me up when I am down in ways that I often find surprising. In amazing ways, I mean that the friends I've had for life, you oldies know who you are. . .are the ones who are true to me. You haven' t given up on me and you've relied on our past to know that I am still me, even if I seem absent.

My life since I graduated college has been based on work. How to get where I'm going. I've gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. . .And, recently I've hit some pot holes. I guess that's putting it lightly. And it just keeps keeping on. The potholes seem to have turned into bridges that don't exist anymore. People don't want what I have to offer them. And that hurts. It's personal. It's unlike any other type of rejection I've ever experienced, because it's my life's work. What I've sacrificed so so so much for (gladly at the time). Over the past year, that has vanished, it's not appreciated, it's not the favorable choice, for whatever reason, regardless of discipline (b/c you all know I teach everything - well not hip hop, I am the whitest person I know). It's been slow and steady but it's all seemingly coming to a head.

One time I had a director of mine say to me about me, "Dance is who you are. It's what you do." Well that was true for a long time, but it's not ALL of who I am. And I know that. I really do. However, at the end of the day when you aren't wanted it still hurts. Kind of brings you back to being a kid and not being accepted at school with the cool kids. And I didn't think that I would feel that rejection in such a powerful way at my age - - and especially after I've overcome so many career related obstacles thus far with such bouyancy. But I do.

I know I have to figure a way out of this maze, but it might just be a path not yet taken. I don't want to live my life anymore based upon my job. There is too much living to do that I've been missing out on. My other side of myself has been neglected. I don't want to only have my career to live for. There are so so so so many more important things out there. At the end of my life, what will REALLY be important?

I know what that will be to me, and I need to start focusing on it.